Why does the human psyche seem to really imprint on the traumatic events in your life more so than the ones stored away in your “happy place.” I don’t know about you, but for me it seems so much easier to tap into my pain, than it does my pleasure. Maybe it’s the Slavic in me, but I truly don’t think I stand alone in these feelings. I would think moments in your youth where you felt like you could die, regardless if this was an actual danger, or anxiety making you feel like you were dying would override pure moments of joy simply for the sheer fact that one could end your life and one does not. I started to wonder though; is there a way to build a ritual around the sacred times where you did feel safe and joyous so that you could start to create your own moments of bliss; your own rituals.
For a lot of us who come from broken families, poverty stricken families, narcissist filled families, and underprivileged (pretty much all of us to some degree), the holidays were probably not the easiest times. I am definitely no exception to this rule but for some reason I LOVE the holidays, namely Halloween, Thanksgiving and New Years! I wondered out loud one day how I could still get so excited about holidays that as a young girl were always a shit show of conflict, divorced parents time tables, and not even enough money to buy a tree after my parents divorce. Then I heard something that I can only assume came from my past ancestors “look further back.” Go past the trauma, which I know is dark and sticky and hard to get past, look harder at your childhood…
So I sat there for a minute and willed myself to be open to the good times too, why was this so fucking hard for me to do? Then all the sudden I saw it: my mom making a crown out of a margarine container with tinfoil because I wanted to be a princess for Halloween, my mom making me Barbie clothes on her sewing machine because I absolutely needed new outfits. Our Christmas rituals before the divorce when we would decorate our tree together and make homemade popcorn streamers, and chain linked construction paper streamers until the tree was just right with Nat King Cole blaring in the background. Christmas morning, the only day my Dad had off every year (yes he worked 12 hours a day 364 days a week to provide for us), where he would make us “dip eggs” (our name for over easy), and flip the eggs without a spatula without breaking a yolk, while we opened gifts up from “Santa” that were always exactly what we asked for. Then New Years every year we would head over to my Baba Lena’s where she would make us homemade Zelnik with a tinfoil wrapped quarter in it and the person who got that piece was said to have abundance and luck all year round! How had I forgotten why I love the holidays so much?
It got to me to thinking, when we factor in culture and then really trace it back, back to our childhood, but even further back than that, to our parents childhoods and so on, are there any rituals, any specific practices written in our DNA, that could possible have an effect on the times of year when we feel most connected too? I am first generation Macedonian on both sides so what brings me immense joy and is so much a part of my culture is family, food and giving. This is why at a certain point after the divorce I got sick of the nonstop drama in my family and created my own Christmas’. I get my own tree; I blast my own Nat King Cole, make cookies and cook a feast. I invite over any family and friends that want to be a part of it and I spoil everyone and it’s my happiest place.
Thanksgiving just passed, and even though COVID-19 has made it pretty impossible to see our family I still made a turkey feast for my husband and I. It may seem silly, but this ritual, this special time is mine, and even with just one other person it made me feel connected to my lineage. With lots left over it also enabled me to reach out to those I knew would be alone so I could share or drop off food in any way possible, which just added to my joy if I am being completely honest.
With Halloween approaching I wanted to share one of my annual rituals that brings me to one of my most content and at peace places, and no matter what I am going through it is something that brings light to my October as the darkness actualizes for longer periods of time and we gear up for our Canadian winters that can last up to 6 months. I Get my favourite blanket, my pillow, my Murry, and order a pizza and have a movie marathon alone, and watch every single movie on the below list. Just for some fun, I have done my top 10 Halloween ritual movies in order of my favourites! Don’t judge me I am a scream fanatic!
- The Scream movies 1, 2, 3, and 4!
- Hocus Pocus
- The Craft
- I Know What You Did Last Summer
- Practical Magic
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- What Lies Beneath
- The Adams Family 1 and 2
- Beetlejuice
- Casper
Rituals are so important as the season change because even if you love a certain season, the energy difference between each season is so extremely different that you can feel the heaviness of seasonal depression, seasonal allergies, or just general weightiness until you have fully adjusted. I know you non moon-monitoring, non-astrology junkies probably think you are impervious to this shift, but trust me, we all feel it somewhere. Some get sinus pain, neck pain and other physical symptoms, some here and see spirit more as the veil start to thin in October, and some feel it emotionally but we all feel it, so it is important we find our own sense of peace in whatever ritual speaks to you. No witchcraft needed, just do what feels good to you. One last question: Think of your most favourite time of year, holiday, or day of the year. Now start to trace it back to your youngest memory, if you cannot remember ask a parent, and if you still have living grandparents ask them too. You would be surprised at the origins of your happiness and things you may have blocked out or simply feel connected to magically but had no idea about – I certainly was. This concept can be used for shadow work too, but don’t forget, we need light too and that is what I am craving most right now, and for good reason. With Scorpio season 3 days away and us currently having two full moons this month (one on Halloween), plus being in a Mercury Retrograde things are about to get THICK, so excuse me while I soak up as much light as I can right now.
Thank you so much for reading, see you next week!
