“Empath: A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.”
This blog may trigger a lot of people who have claimed this term to define them, but it also may lead to some clarity for some who refuse to claim the term in fear that they are inaccurately promoting themselves as a superhuman feeler when in fact they actually are. Unless you have been working as an active healing facilitator or practitioner it makes complete sense the an actual empath would be scared to wrongly identify themselves in fear that they are trying to self promote or take away from who they perceive as the “real” empath. It also makes sense that we have people who sit higher on the narcissism scale running around claiming to be an empath anytime you dare share an emotion they can’t hold space for, or whenever you ask them to be held accountable for how they hurt you. Spiritual and emotional gaslighting is an especially insidious way of deflecting any kind of accountability, and I have seen a rise of people who lack the empathy to actually take in another persons pain and accept fault now take on the term empath as a way to say “I am an empath so I couldn’t have possibility hurt your feelings when I am in fact the one with the hurt feelings.” It is a very manipulative way to stop you from defending yourself, because somehow they have now convinced you that you are and have always in fact been the problem and that “everyone thinks so.” Using their fragile emotional wellbeing is a tool narcissists use so that anything said after that makes you seem like a monster for attacking the mentally unwell. Another is they try to isolate or shame you, and involve anyone they can so you know that you are alone, and that “everyone” is on their side. Want to know the really gross thing about this? An Empath will truly seek to resolve the situation and try to take accountability, which will leave them feeling like they are alone, and the problem. Another treacherous part of this is people will also take the side of the narcissist because they are simply too hard to deal with they know in time the empath will forgive them, which will leave the empath feeling alone, sick and unworthy in the deepest parts of their being. Another dangerous part of all of this is narcissists seek out empaths to do this to, because anyone less than an emotionally sensitive / connected person will not care for their bullshit and usually feed it right back to them. I am not at all saying empaths are pushovers, or boundary-less, but usually, at least where family is involved the narcissist will simply do manipulation attacks through someone the empath trusts, because even on a good boundary day empaths care a lot about their people, and there is usually a way around boundaries for very crafty critters that don’t rely so much on a moral compass, and more or less just looking to access the person that made them face themselves even for a moment. They must shame where they feel shame! Eventually this will lead to the empath needing to take space from the people who let the narcissist run their game through this person for any semblance of peace, which again leads to more isolation and them seeming like the unreasonable one.
So lets pause this for a minute to actually dive deep into the ever loving, ever evolving, psychically blessed (or cursed depending on how you see it) empath. Take a moment to re-read the quote from the dictionary on the top of this page, and really focus on the word “paranormal.” Here it is in plain and simple print: An empath and a narcissist both feel the strong emotions and burdens of people in and outside of their direct area; both usually have a strong sense of when the energy is off and where and whom it is coming from, but, a narcissist will use that to manipulate the situation to their liking, or emotionally castrate you for feeling the way you feel. They have zero ability to hold space for your emotions and will most likely make your bad day (even if it has nothing to do with them), about them and why you’re ruining their day, their moment, or why your emotions are an inconvenience to them and why it is ruining everything for “everyone”. They will use terms of absolute like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” and “no one.” Empaths will feel your emotions and instead of assuming it is about them they will seek to hold space for you, reach out to see if there is a way they can help, or truly just give you space to process, knowing that when you are ready, if there is an issue directly with them you will reach out. Empaths also have psychic ability to know, even when you haven’t spoken to someone in weeks, months or years if you are struggling. This gift is especially hard when they have had to end relationships with narcissists or people who have really hurt them and they still feel that person struggling, and still feel sad for that person and wish them well, regardless of what was done to them. You can absolutely place boundaries and cut energetic chords (see below for instructions) in order to feel better but it will always just be a part of who you are as an empath and the more you can accept yourself as is and all you feel, the easier time you will have leaving space for your own emotions, which you so greatly deserve.
I felt really called to write about this, not as an attack on narcissists, truly that is not what this is because I feel the pain of these people. Usually their lives were filled with such trauma and horror that at a certain age they stopped being able to grow emotionally because every time they tried they would get beat down emotionally, physically and mentally and now the way they survive is by projecting and acting on the defense to protect themselves from ever having to be accountable because accountability feels like a full on attack. This usually starts when you are young and someone you trusted gaslight your emotions, or you didn’t have your basic needs met and now are not really able to love yourself or others properly. I wrote this blog because with 2020 we have all had a real hard-core wake up call on how we can be doing better. Yes better for society, but also for us. This year did not mess around in showing us all of the ways we need to be supporting ourselves better, even if it is just by finally walking away from relationships that are toxic, because lets face it, between COVID-19, racial disparities, and politics there are just some things you can’t agree to disagree on – some things are unforgivable and a difference of values that can not be overcome. It is the year where we get serious about societal and self accountability and when you ask those unwilling or unable to do this what you will get back is spiritual gaslighting, venomous tactics to isolate you from everyone, and deflection. If 2020 has been a year where we pulled out the root of the biggest problems in our lives and also in our society, what is my prediction for 2021? Well, I see it almost like I see spring, when the snow finally melts and you can now smell and see dog shit everywhere. We will have a lot to clean up, and I am not sure it will be any easier, but at least we will see where the issue is. It is a lot easier to avoid or clean up shit you can see then the kind that stays hidden and tells you everything smells like roses, then convinces others to say the same thing so you’re standing there thinking “I must be crazy because everyone smells roses and all I can smell is SHIT.”
I am here to say you are not the crazy one; you are the person who we need in this world, who holds us up when no one else can hold space for our emotions; who gives us space when we need it, but somehow always knows when its been too much space. Claim yourself as an empath, even if it’s just an admission you make to yourself. This post is dedicated to all the empathic souls out there who feel so separated from their family or loved ones because they have chosen to stand up for themselves and actually make healthy choices to keep them and their families safe and felt emotionally violent repercussions for it. I love you all so much and I am here if you need to talk.
Here is a chord cutting ritual I do for myself whenever I feel I need to:
Cutting Energetic Chords
I take a piece of selenite, the size doesn’t matter, but I do like to use a wand. You can also just use your hand or simply envision the process. You don’t need any tools to do this, it is just a matter of what you prefer. I place it in my hand and lift it above my head and say: “Archangel Michael, I invite you in to help me cut any and all energetic chords attached to me.” As I lift the selenite wand above my head I take a deep breath and envision Archangel Michael lifting his sword, then I exhale loudly and slice the selenite wand through the air in front of my body. I lift it and repeat this three times. After this process I ensure I protect myself energetically by asking to be surrounded by the white light of protection. Doing this daily really helps me, but always work with your intuition to customize this in a way that feels good to you.
