It’s not something that happened overnight. For those of you who have seen practical magic it’s like when Sally hears the “Death Beetle” and knows something is about to happen she cannot stop even if she wanted to. For me I call it the “End-of-cycle Beetle.” This persistent yet annoying nudge that nothing is sitting quite right, and that your perspective is changing ever so slightly that nothing feels familiar anymore, and everything is under an emotional audit. It is like someone came in when you were sleeping and moved your entire room one inch to the right and everything looks in place, but you know you’re not imagining that nothing feels the same. This is the process of closing out a cycle, where you are ready to sit with the lessons you’ve learned in this phase, make big changes to your surroundings, relationships, and career, but you are given no specifics and need to almost go on a soul quest in order to close out this chapter to know what new direction you’re headed in. If this sounds like a lot, it is! This is why closing out a cycle can’t be rushed and can take months upon months, sometimes a year or more. Closing out the end of a phase doesn’t happen overnight, there is so much soul work we do, and realizations we have when doing this and there is a good reason for this. We can’t rush a process that will set us up for the next decade of our lives. There are lessons our spirit team needs us to learn in the closing out of a chapter so that we don’t repeat painful moments in the next phase and can instead, explore new lessons. The more time that moves on we are just trying to find a sense of grounded freedom, which I know sounds like two opposite ideologies, but nothing could be further from the truth. We want to feel free to be who we are meant to be in this world and surround ourselves with those who support us in this and love when we succeed. Some take our evolution personal, and it is that very work we do on ourselves that pushes us to ask for more from our surroundings so that we can feel at peace with ourselves. There are people and places on this Earth not capable of more, so they see your need to evolve as a selfish decision, or that you are leaving them behind, or you are judging their in-activity when this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with your relationship to yourself. Maybe they even ask us “what is wrong with you” or “why have changed so much?” The answer is simple, in order to stay perfectly still I need to stop my evolution process, which would lead to dis-ease in my soul and no doubt have an energetic effect not only on my spiritual self, but also on my physical body and soul, where at some point I would most likely exhibit twitches or ticks in my personality or sometimes quite literally in a very physical way all in an effort to make others comfortable. The most painful part of the “End-of-cycle Beetle” are the relationships you are made suddenly aware of that fall short on meeting your needs. You love these people so much and for a period still show up to events and try to fake it, when you have suddenly just seen all the ways you are moving away from this dynamic. This is not at all in a superior sense, it is just rare that someone will resonate with your soul your entire life. Rare, but I have been blessed to see it happen. But it is those friendships you’ve had since childhood where you always leave feeling their company feeling like you need to suppress who you are; or maybe you’re forever giving more of yourself then getting in return; even that amazing job you keep for the benefits that brings you to the darkest part of your depressive disorder that you just know will be so hard to uproot or ask for more in that you would almost rather stay in discord. That is the kind of pain I am talking about when I reference the “End-of-cycle Beetle.”
I felt this in early summer and was filled with dread. Some talk of “up-levelling” in the spiritual community like it is something to brag about and not the most painful thing you’ve ever gone through, and it always fills me with dread. So much ego and ableism happen in the spiritual community when we use terms like “vibing higher” or “levelling up” for the sake of making sales and acting like we know the way, when if you take the superiority out of those terms it is about getting right with yourself. Moving to a vibration more in alignment with your higher self and your soul’s purpose. So, when I felt that beetle in the summer, I knew this would be a process and I am still in that process. I can feel changes happening in my business that will lead me to a new way of being, and being seen in my work, and what is that? I couldn’t tell you. All I know right now is everything in my room has been moved one inch, and until I figure out what direction it was moved, I am sitting still in contemplation. It is important not to make big decisions that could uproot your whole life until you know for sure if you’ve closed out this phase entirely. This means answering questions like, what lessons have I learned that I keep repeating for the sake of comfort? Which friendships do I need to pull back from and assess as there is a lack of reciprocity in them? Where am I limiting myself to make others feel at ease? It is time to move beyond what limits you and trust that there is a freedom in letting go of all the world asks of you and just step into the unknown. Repeat after me “to stay perfectly still I need to become ill, and that is something I won’t do”. When we act out of discord with our evolutionary process, there are consequences to our emotional, spiritual, and yes sometimes physical body.
In support to those who feel on the verge of closing out this phase and walking into a new one I have included an oracle spread that may help that is included in the newsletter this week (refer back there).
